Deva uses “Abey Yaar” in everyday speech, becomes insanely cool

In what could be termed as a transition of sorts, Devarajan today used the term “Abey yaar’ while talking to his friends in a regular cafeteria round table conference, thus marking his transition from being a regular Tam dude to an instant rage among Hindi speaking women folk.

“This was the day I had been waiting for”, squealed one Ms. Neeta, short for Neetu, who believes Deva has the right combination of smartness and talent to become the next Indian idol.

“Machi, I said “Avvayaar was a genius”. Some female heard it as “Abey yaar he was a genius” and made it into big news. I honestly didn’t think this was all that was needed to make me an instant North Indian and change my nationality altogether, thanks to Avvayaar”, said Devarajan in a text message to the OPN team.

This new found popularity and relevance for Avvayaar has stunned Tamil scholars. “Abey yaar is the new Avvayaar”, said Dhivakar, who is known for his complex analysis of simple problems. “When it becomes known Abey yaar wrote Aathichudi, it will become an instant hit among North Indian youth too. ‘Aram seiya virumbhu’ will now become ‘Aaraam se…er…beer rum bhe?’ “, he trailed off, thinking if that made any sense at all. “I think this will become the catchphrase for youth across India on Friday nights”, he finally proclaimed.

This news also set of a frenzy among media houses. It is rumored that the creators of Superman were planning to change his punchline to “Up up and abey yaar” to connect more with the national audience.

It's a bird ! It's a plane ! Saalaa, its Superman !!

Badri, who was reading this message standing in a Chromepet tea shop simply turned and said  ”Abey yaar, tea inum varala” to an irate tea shop owner.

Nalam, nalam ariya avaa… – Chapter 1

“How about tomorrow evening?” Badri asked, sipping his coffee.

“No machi…I have an appointment with my dentist”, Deva croaked.

“Thavala vaayaa, dhayavu senju….”, Badri retorted with a contorted face.

Balaji laughed out loud. Ezhil continued to stare out of the window.

It was another weary day, and the four of them had decided to take a break at a tea shop in Chromepet. It was a calm afternoon with some shoppers scattered here and there on the promenade. The gentle breeze ruffled the leaves that were strewn around.

But little were they prepared for the single shot that would shatter this halcyon setting to smithereens. The windows of the tea shop they were sitting in, the fiber glass panel, in spite of its durability, exploded into a million pieces, manifesting the power of the weapon that fired that shot.

“Dai Deva, idhu fiberglass’nu evandaa unta alandhu vittadhu”, Balaji asked looking at the shattered window pane.

“Aama machan, nee kudukara rendu roobaiku onaku tea kooda fiberglass’la dhan tharuvaan.. Mooditu tea’ya kudi naaye”, was the response.

They knew it will come any day, but they didn’t expect it today.

Another shot rang out and all of them ducked under their table. Being a weekday, there were very few customers in the shop. And all of them screamed out in unison.

“Torture”, Badri muttered under his breath.

Balaji looked at the others. They nodded, which left Balaji confused. “Enna purinjidhunnu ippa ellaarum mandaya aatneenga?”, Balaji asked them, which the others promptly ignored. The four of them whipped out their equipments in one fluid motion.  Balaji and Deva took out  the advanced Glocks while Ezhil settled for a Walther. Badri, who was staring at all the proceedings, simply asked “Aen maapla ivlo jerk udra” and pulled out his wallet to pay the tea bill. They consolidated their postions behind the upturned tables and walls of the shop. The assault will begin anytime. And when that happens, only agents Deva, Ezhil and Balaji will be ready.

Your mind is the scene of the crime machi…

In a rather unsurprising turn of events, Deva today attributed the confusions existing in his life to Layer 4 of his dream space.  ”I have been incepted machi”, he said sternly. “I think that is the layer where I thought wanted to work in Lehman Brothers, and when I woke up, here I am, sitting in the IIM – which is just like a limbo to me”, he was last heard saying. “I somehow feel the architect was a reason for the mess”, he surmised. It was later found the said architect was Badri, confirming our doubts that only he can come up with such a plan. “Ketaa PWD construction workdhaan kaaranam’nu kalaaichitaan machi”, he rued.

Badri and his apprentice seen earnestly going over the plan for Badri's architecture of Deva's dream space (shown in graphic detail on right)

When pointed out that his totem could have saved him, he did not seem to remember where it was. “Office’laye vituten’nu nenaikaran machi”, he said simply and left.

The architect was unavailable for comment as he was busy giving discourses on life to random people on Facebook. ” Machi, uruti potaa bonda, thatti potaa vada , idhaan vaazhka”,  he was seen posting on one wall.  ”Pal irukkavan pakkoda saapadraan”, he wrote on another. On another, he simply wrote “Poda b#%du”.

“Such profound thoughts”, observed Valasaravaakkam Sangeetha, who quickly put the second discourse as her status message on Facebook and changed her profile picture to a random scene from Mahabharatha.

Balaji simply did not understand what was going on in this episode as English movies were beyond his scope.

Balaji watches Endhiran, suspects he could be a robot

In a surprising turn of events,  Balaji today revealed his suspicions about he being a robot. “I think I could be a metal head”, stated Balaji in his email to the OPN team. ” When people called me Pandu 9.21, I thought they were referring to my GPA.  After Endhiran, it doesn’t sound like that anymore”, he surmised his fears.

 

With Balaji as "Sirippu" Terminator, Terminator 2 would have become a mass hit, complete with a comedy track

 

“We always knew something was wrong with that dude”, commented social observer Badri, whose prolonged isolation from society has given him dramatic insights into human behavior. “No wonder he had such a powerful memory but was always standing like a dead cow when hot chicks drooled over him. I wonder when he will become self-aware and launch missiles against Russia, thus becoming an Engounder Terminator”, he stated his thoughts succinctly.Not one to be held back, he quickly posted his comments on Russia and its policies in a column of geopolitical importance on Rediff titled “Lingerie colour tells what kind of lover you are!”.

General bublics was generally confused with this new revelation. “We always thought Devarajan was a robot”, observed one Mr. Dhivakar, who once bought a pirated copy of Thomas Friedman’s book and now believes the world is a flat and he should buy one of those, preferably in Ashok Nagar .

“How possible this is ? “, inquired Sangeetha, a confused soul whose sole profession is to seek answers for critical questions in life. Keeping with her line of thought, her thesis is tentatively titled “Moona thottadhu yaarungnov ?”. The title was cleared by her professor as he apparently mistook Yaarungnov to be an unknown Russian cosmonaut.

“Meheheheheheh”, was all Deva had to say for this column,  giving an Inception-like twist at the end. Rascal.

Badri soon to become Kinect model, states internal memo

In a rare leak to the media that is bound to kick up intense scrutiny, reliable sources quote that Badri Narayanan will soon be joining the Kinect team to pose as a model for many of Kinect’s demo games.

An internal fact finding committee organized by Team OPN made this recommendation to Microsoft’s team after it was found Badri had long detached himself from reality and now lives in a virtual world of his own, a la John Nash of Augmented Virtual Reality aka Beautiful Mind fame.

“I knew this was bound to happen sooner or later”, commented Deva, trying to bring a forlorn expression on his face by staring into the infinite space, but ended up looking like he was suffering from unspeakable pain in unmentionable body parts. “Ever since that boy’s approach was spurned by his lady interest, it has left a bad scar on his psyche”, he continued while onlookers looked away in boredom,instantly making them offlookers.When questioned about this slight inclination towards becoming a virtual character himself, Deva confidently stated he was still in touch with reality. “Infact I spend most of my time looking at Facebook profiles of attractive females, like most of you guys out here do”, he responded, oblivious to the fact that he shared this trait with Badri who now becomes the first virtual character to have a Facebook account. He quickly sent an email containing a link to a random hot chick’s profile to the OPN team to prove his point.

“This girl once proposed to me”, came Balaji’s flash response to the email, providing instant comic relief.

Badri laughing randomly at the Mickey Mouse bust on a boat, in this undated file photograph.

Identifying himself with various characters from diverse Tamil movies has been Badri’s USP, calling himself even an Agori at one point, which soon caught Microsoft’s attention. “Badri is a kind of guy who straddles between virtual reality and  the real world easily. He has the ability to grow into various roles that add value proposition to our diverse business models, especially one that fits perfectly into the Indian cultural paradigm”, commented an anonymous MS business manager, sounding eerily like Deva. “Be it the character of an agori, American maapillai, Ganesh, he fits the bill to a T”, he continued. One offlooker, who had been busy gazing at the sky, immediately extended to him a bill for a tea, leaving him flabbergasted. “En vaazhkailaye idhaan first time….“, he concluded on a rather resigned note.

The news drew mixed reactions from the general bublics. “Indha payanukullayum ennamo irundhuruku paaren”, remarked a fellow well wisher, who flicked a dialog from 7G Rainbow colony to suit the mood.

“Machi, aen machi Jaanu ennoda birthday’ku wish pannala?”, was all the response Badri had for this column, establishing the fact once and for all that Microsoft got their decision right in choosing him as a Kinect model.

We wish him good luck.

Anju paisa thirudnaa thappaa ?!

This seemingly innocent question has flabbergasted the most renowned finance experts around the globe.

What started as an innocuous argument over a plate of substandard food, has now turned into a global pandemic, with experts racking their brains to come up with an answer to a question that beats even the Greek debt crisis.

Devarajan, attempting to crunch all those complex math stuff. And also thinking if he should start asking Badri five paisa five times each day to make up for his losses.

“Mathematics suggests the numbers are too strong to be ignored. Consider integrating the small 5 paisa component over a large domain , in this case 50 million people, and what you get is no ordinary number. And when you integrate it again over the limits 1 to 5, you get simply astounding figures”, Deva put forth his arguments, mistaking himself for one of the above mentioned finance experts, not to mention that he simply rehashed the movie dialog using vital knowledge he had gained during his year long stint at the IIM.

The question is being cited as the reason for Grigori Perelman, who solved the Poincare Conjecture – which we only know as some complex cool stuff in Mathematics, turning down the $1M prize he was awarded for his work towards maths. “If anyone should get the award, it should be that dude with the hood. Combining an ethical question with mathematics….Pindraampa pindraampa !! “, he stated in his email response, throwing us all off-guard with his knowledge on Vivek’s cool movie dialogs.

Union minister P.Chidambaram refused to comment on this issue of national importance, as he apparently was not the Finance Minister any more.

“Somehow the answer to this puzzle lies in the word kabeemkubaaam”, reasoned seasoned UPSC examinee Balaji. “Mythology prescribes that no crime goes unpunished, from which Newton derived his third law of motion. If Newton can derive something, why not Anniyan”, he continued, showing his compelling argument skills that make no sense whatsoever. When the above fact was pointed out, he only responded with  ”B for Balaji”.

Badri, another veteran of UPSC exams, meanwhile was busy meddling with his new Facebook account. He soon plans to start a fan page, followed by expanding his presence into Twitter and Buzz. When asked about his new found interest in social media, he only responded thus :

We wish him a speedy recovery.

I waand to marrry yuuu

(You may want to know a bit more about these characters before you proceed)

Opinionist Badri, meanwhile, was found seeking opinions from the general bublics for pursuing his love interest. But much to his chagrin, any useful advice has so far only been dispensed by the OPN team, which unfortunately hasn’t had a lot of success when it came to romance related issues.  “All love failure characters”, he stated succinctly, throwing a nasty look at Deva, who in turn threw a nasty look at Balaji for screwing up his love life with his Wikipedia knowledge on romance, who in turn was throwing a nasty look at a nice random lady crossing his cubicle.

On further investigation, the OPN team found out the exact reason why Balaji has been blamed for Deva’s abject failure in his endeavor. Deva, who considers Badri a total love failure character, turned to Balaji, the ladies man, for opinions on how to impress his girl. Below, we deconstruct the scene as it played out, as Balaji cunningly schemes Deva’s downfall.

Scene: How hapless Deva’s simple intentions are ruined by Pandu Balaji

Deva as Vijaykanth

Balaji as the dude wearing suit, which will never suit him in real life.

Badri, standing behind Balaji, on his left.

“Ei maapla, I am not responsible for Deva’s misery. He went and spoke to the girl in English, “I asked her out” if I should use his exact words,  which by itself was enough for a total kalaai. I was LOL, ROFL and A/S/L”, an amused Balaji said in response to allegations against him, exhibiting his limited knowledge in chat lingo. His amused smile quickly drew the attention of a few random chicks strewn around his cube.  “What cute smile yaa”, giggled a girl who wished not to be named.

“Unfortunately for her, her parents have already named her Sudha”,  Badri completed the proceedings, bringing order into this world, while simultaneously exhibiting his poor people skills.

What a man…

Apparently said in response to the question,  ” How would your friends describe you in three words”, the above words have left Professors and Faculty members at IIML stunned beyond disbelief.

This feedback was given by Badri to Devarajan, now a student at the famed institute. Deva had sent Badri this question, mistaking him for a friend. “I am happy not to have received one of his Airtel recharge offer messages as an answer”, said Deva, instantly putting things into perspective.

With our curiosity piqued, we contacted Badri to explain the rationale behind his choice of words.

“Mark my words, that boy has a bright future. Gold prices are going up, and the IMF should advice developed countries to cool off inflationary pressures”, he replied, ranting off unwanted statements totally irrelevant to the current situation. Deva was unavailable for comment, due to his general nonchalance towards Badri.

Meanwhile, Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya, Gautham Menon’s latest flick, had impressed our OPN team to no mean extent. Except for Badri, who, in his usual style, clapped at random scenes in the movie, generally pissing off everyone in the movie hall. But that didn’t leave him from relating himself to the movie.

“I felt like it was my life’s story there on the screen. Especially the scene where Trisha and Simbhu go off on a long walk discussing their lives, it left me stunned. There I was, walking behind them both, totally uninterested in what was going on between those two and lost in my own sweet world, wondering how to make Deva pay for my next meal. Exactly how it happens in real life”, he reminisced, asserting his general nonchalance for human emotions.

Ganesh, staring randomly towards the sky, unable to bear the blade conversation between the two in front of him. Badri relates strongly to Ganesh, without realizing Ganesh is not brain-dead, unlike him

“I can relate to that scenario”, rued Deva, who has lost many a penny buying food for Badri and Balaji, blindly believing they were indeed listening to his version of Vinnaithaandi Varuvaayaa. “Alas, I could have sponsored the higher education for two students with that money I spent in Saravana Bhavan. In the US.”, he conceded. He then quickly ran off to join a bunch of students shouting “Jai Andhra”, staying true to his Ambattur OT roots.

Sports columnist Balaji was not available for this session, due to his general nonchalance towards everything.

IPL drama comes to an end.

Naai Segar Snaps A Few Key Points From The Series…

In a daring move which surpassed his previous daring moves, IPL chairman Lalit Modi was caught on camera trying to correct KXP team co-owner and Badri Narayanan’s long time interest, Preity Zinta. (Kings Eleven Punjab should be called KEP and not KXP, chipped in Krishna Devan unnecessarily)

What caught everyone by surprise was the fact that Modi, who tried hard to get close to Preity during the player auctions and subsequent press conferences, was seen dancing whenever one of the KXP players hit the ball to the boundary, in a possible attempt to correct Preity Zinta. He clapped her on her shoulders everytime he said a mokka comedy to her, hinting to the viewers (and Ness Wadia ) that he was hitting on her.

Lalit Modi trying hard to catch Preity’s shoulder, but ended up correcting Ness Wadia instead. Vijay Mallya seen desperately searching for a tissue to wipe the blood in his ears.

Asked for his opinion on this new found development, Krishna Devan began by expressing his contempt for Modi and how a gentleman’s game had now turned out to be a mere spectacle with no respect for bowlers. We will not publish both the views here as the former is too liberal and the latter can be found somewhere in last week’s Sportstar.

What flabbergasted most of us was Kris Srikanth trying out the same thing on film star and Badri Narayanan’s long time interest Nayanthara. When asked about this apparent confict of interests, Badri simply replied “Adhu pona maasam…” , for which only “sports” columnist Krishna Devan reacted by doing something, which he later clarified as laughter and everyone breathed in relief.

Ofcourse, now that the whole IPL drama has come to an end, Balaji hopes to turn to his newly found interest in Euro cup, which he randomly found on Wikipedia. He was seen mumbling during the finals that he would have bowled a better line than the one by the guy with the eerily same name on TV. That the outcome would have been no different was his argument, which we grudgingly agreed. Ofcourse, we also used some choicest swear words on Balaji and our sports columnist joined in, oblivious to the fact that he was abusing himself.

The commentator of the season award went to Arun Lal for his intelligent inputs throughout the season. The highlight was when Shane Watson ran away from him during the final when he was confronted by the man in a purple kurta. “He he, I thought he was one of those cheergirls”, he remarked with a wink. His co commentator Ramiz Raja was not available for comment as he had already lapsed into a coma.

Badri summed up the entire season as a roaring success – ” :%#*#(@$ match machi” were his precise words. He soon returned to his fervent preparation for the civil service exam by reading this article of national importance. He was later seen discussing this with Columnist and fellow UPSC participant Balaji, who had a different take on the whole issue.

We wish them all the best.

Mahaajanangale…

Today, we officially inaugurate our blog, Odi Po Naaye (Odi Po Naaye in English, Odi Po Naaye in Tamil, 逃げる犬 in Japanese and ..___ ..__. …__ ._.. in Morse code). We began this blog with the sole idea of filling the void in the blogosphere, with the absence of a web digest which looked at burning issues plaguing the country, like Set Max and Arun Lal.

The title “Odi Po Naaye” evinced mixed reactions from our patrons…

Being serious ( whatever ! ) bloggers ourselves, we would be lying if we say that we were not inspired big time by our mentor bloggers, Bosey, Sidin, Suresh, Raju, “Mylai” Kabali, Vannarapetai Kichaa, Hariharan, Drums Sivamani and,most importantly, these guys. If you do find any resemblance between our blog and these sites, do forgive us – we do not encourage plagiarism, but we would rather term it creative inspiration.

We will be getting opinions from many sources, including some from “sports” columnist Krishnadevan Balaji, who always has something to say about any “sport” – including minesweeper and Shaa-booh-three. Asked who will win the IPL championship, he confidently stated : “IPL will definitely win the championship”. Not to forget our very own Devarajan, who always displays news of national importance as his gtalk status message – like Masand’s review of Avatar.

We will also get opinions from fellow “opinionist” Badri Narayanan, whose permanent profession is to forward anonymous Airtel recharge offer messages to anonymous phone numbers, mainly to “sports” columnist Balaji.

Between the four of us, we will cover every topic that we personally find irritating, which includes “sports” columnist Balaji’s comments, and give you our take on those issues, which will be equally annoying.

But then, that’s the whole idea behind this blog.